How To Survive “Single Living”

charen in camotes

 

I have found this topic to be an ancient taboo. Looking all around me, it is just impossible to attract readers that would actually dig this topic with enthusiasm. And by that, I mean not threatened to use this as a tool to lessen their insecurity. Of course, it is acceptable that normal people don’t look forward to living their lives alone. At least when you’re a teenager you don’t exactly plan out to live with cats, give yourself a bouquet of flowers on Valentines and sleep all alone for the rest of your life. That’s why we plan – to be “un-alone” . These things are not what “hopeful” individuals think about. “Tweens” can’t wait to fall in love. Categorically, as kids we don’t want to be reprimanded for being too young to do stuffs. We hate it when adults look down on our ability to make a decision. We dread the routine because all we ever want is to grow up. A thing wouldn’t be called a norm if  people do not succumb to it. For example, getting married is an exciting thing that most girls dreamed of. Why? Who needs an explanation anyway? Life is incomplete without love. Yes and yes! But I pity those who are deluded that the only way to obtain it is by finding the other half missing. We are not to be completed by means of  marriage or partners. Specially if we’re doing it for those mere reasons alone.

When I was growing up, I was fully aware that I was one of the misfits.  To make it short, I just didn’t think rather I did not WANT to think like the rest. ( Emphasis on the desire not to). No, I was not the “ children-of-the-corn” type . I would be lying if I said I refuse to experience romance or that crazy little thing they called love.  Sadly, I needed a better reason other than to “un-alone” myself.  Its dreadful during Valentines I know. To sit in a restaurant surrounded by couples, by families with cute, huggable children and the worst – lovers smooching and couldn’t get enough of each other. I mean come on, I endured the cinema with a bag of popcorn as my date ( Yes, that counts). Do I really have to be reminded all the time? But the worst part, I mean the crucial, most ludicrous moment/s is when relatives, family, friends starts asking  “the question: When are you going to settle down?” I don’t know about you but that’s the most offensive thing you can ask me about. Most of my adult life prettily consists of adventures that were done out of independence. I am proud to report that all my bewitching hours were secluded with the guarantee that a fun-filled life is achieved when you’re on your own. By this, I do not mock those whose happiness lies on the mercy of their relationships.  No, in fact I salute them- because it takes an ample amount of work and dedication to make it work. But hey, lets get back to me, I can do whatever I want, I can put my foot up or down, regardless! Nothing bounds me to commitments prior or after and the list could go on and on.  One could speculate that I could just be a bitter, aging hag who has guys repulsing her due to the lack of attraction and qualifications. Well, I cannot diminish the fact that I am no expert in relationships. The only conclusion I can say is that usual guys repel my strong ideology of independence.  For some I come out too tough and they get intimidated. Too bad they can’t handle. I am no feminist either. I can only stress out the fact that I am comfortable on my own company whether someone is in it or not. I am not scared to be alone. In fact, I liked it.

How to survive it you ask? Well, for me its not surviving that bothers me the most. It is by no means an apocalyptic malady to solve. If you are being frowned upon today for the reason that you are truly, deeply secure with being yourself without the pressure of finding love, then congratulations! You’re a winner in any case.  I am not saying this to justify my status or defend my cause. We are where we are at a place and a time because our choice is not limited to or bounded by the factors that could affect us. For me, it is learning to stay true to myself and never betray the still, small voice inside. And that is the kind of courage wielded with strength. In fretting we forget that singularity is a doorway to endless possibilities.  We fail to see the bigger picture here. There is more to life than following the scale of how a person should live and when to settle. I choose to settle down for good in an appointed time and not to settle for less.  I am a firm believer that we cannot give what we don’t have. Choosing to be independent is not synonymous to shutting people off. There is a fine line between modest relations and meaningless associations.  Ask yourself where do you belong and what do you prefer? Value you yourself enough to respect that relationships are precious and love is worth the wait. If you decide to be in a relationship due to boredom or loneliness then I’m afraid I’m politely dismayed. One does not simply love to fill in the blanks. Not me, I refuse to yield. I need a better reason than that.  I’m braver than my loneliness. Stronger than my depression.  I need to give love much more credit other than using it merely as a cure for it.

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