So here it is, this blog is sitting in my to-do list for the longest time now. only for the reason that I dont know how to open and close it.
Be warned: this post might be longer than usual. And whilst I’m writing this on the window seat of my flight to Tokyo, my mind has been wandering off in too many directions. So I have to grab the chance to collect my thoughts and get down to finishing off this episode.
Christine (or as we/I call her Tinay)and I have been friends since the beginning of my junior year in college. So that would be about a decade already. (*wow, that moment when it sinks in how much we aged since then) and in between the silent moments and the collective, we managed to maintain our friendship.
We went to the same university, took the same course but never quite experienced things in a similar manner. We lost both our fathers consecutively and that was our “thing” in common. She became my unofficial therapist who walked me through the grieving process. It started with her good influences that I brought myself to the ministry. Going to missions together and ushering the youth was basically our way of serving God. Perhaps there was always this push and pull analogy between us in that when the other one slides off, it’s a basic instinct to reach out (in most cases her to me) I don’t necessarily believe that birds of the same feather flock together. Not when she is a complete opposite to my personality. And since I want this blogpost to focus on our contrasting personality, let me tell you who this “gurl” is. Tinay is bubbly (never runs out of words to say), energetic (always on the go), feeds through exposure and most of all loves “peopling”. This and many more are my reasons for exhaustion. For me, it feels as though she always knows what to say (*to me and to many others) in any given situation. If there’s any hint of definitive vibrance, I can assure you that Tinay’s presence is somewhere there. So on the account that in order for a blogpost to rank (SEO purposes),
I will enumerate the top 5 reasons why I implore that your best friend should be your complete opposite.
1. Go for what you are not
If all your relationships are based on “familiar grounds” what is there to learn? There has to be a dynamic spark that binds both of you and no two alike objects attract each other. Ask your science teacher and he will agree with me.
She may be loud but that only complements my reluctance. In fact she gets so enthusiastic that even my melancholy has no choice but to get on board. She opens me into so many unknown channels I never thought existed. That advocate you always wish you were? Yes, for me that’s who she is.
2. Honesty is the best policy
Have you noticed that when you are uncomfortable with certain people, you tend to be discreet thus the pretension? Friends pick you up when you fall down but best friends laugh at you first before helping you up. Together with the growing years, we know each other enough to tell what each other is thinking. I’m never afraid to tell her a piece of my mind and vice versa. Even when our debates are heated, it’s never powered by hatred or misconception and do you know why? because we are simply honest with each other. I hope that we never withhold anything as we go forward.
3. Be challenged as with anything or anyone.
I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, there are trying times. Life is as it is -messy, chaotic, unpredictable. But it should never be an excuse to unbecoming. Maybe Tinay’s constant complain about me is that whenever I am “in the zone” a.k.a my introvert cave, I have the tendency to succumb and forget about the existence of the rest of the world. I’m just always thankful that she never gives up and pokes me when that happens. Together with teaching me how to cope and adjust.
4. Silence is golden
Refer to #2. We have codes and signals though they maybe unspoken. Our friendship was never by-the-book if you know what I mean, but because we share this insatiable thirst to fight the good fight of faith, there are things that only she understands about me. Partly it also helps that she’s mastering in psychology so no surprise there. When words run dry, it only means that gaps are as necessary as the bond. There was a whole one-year period where we stopped talking at all. For a moment there I thought it was over but maybe God ordained our friendship a long time ago. And I learned that pride will only get in your way to a peaceful life.
5. How deep is your life?
Most probably, 80% of our conversations is a simple equation of tackling the dark matter of life. I’m proud that our friendship isn’t shallow. Let me explain you how it goes….
Me: Your face is covered with zits. You look so dismantled and ugly!
Tinay: Oh yes! -.-
Me: That might be due to stress. What’s the source?
Tinay: Because this and that.. blah blah…..
While some may find this offensive, that is how we build rapport, that’s how we come up with ideas and encouragement. There are no petty introductions- there are only i’ll-get-to-the-bottom-of-this conversations with her. When we think about the sleepovers and the chat over coffee, not once was there an idle moment. It would be silly not to talk about the little stuff that makes for a juicy gossip but our melancholic episodes trumps those petty issues.
So, to make it more interesting we came up with a set of questions that we answer with our personal style. Note that none of them are filtered or edited. Probably you can start wondering where the connection begins.. read away..
what are the things that make you cry?
Charen: My dad, documentaries about life in underdeveloped countries, the rain, God’s goodness and just about anything that strikes the day. Basically, i’m a crybaby.
Christine: — For most? It’s anything inspiring.
do you think everyone likes chocolate?
Charen: I for one disagree. Anything sweet does not spike much interest in me except in some occasion. But I think most people love chocolate because it symbolizes something of worth, especially if it’s given and not bought.
Christine: — Every kid does. Every humans go through child development right?, so i think yes. But it depends as the person develops on the latter
why do you think a person laughs?
Charen: it’s either he finds something really funny and is having a good time or he wants to conceal his pain and is trying to divert the situation. Or both.
Christine: — Perhaps something is really funny, or something is really really really corny.
how can you contribute to the society
Charen: By trying to be who I am and not betray the still, small voice inside that keeps saying: “Try to be kind again tomorrow”
Christine: — Being true to self, making a difference, Leading by example, having a godly character and inspire them. O’rayt!
why do people don’t get contented?
Charen: Because their definition of happiness is constantly evolving + they look outwardly for reasons to fulfill their needs inside. They/we try to covet the things that other people have instead of being grateful. We work hard to buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like (and i’m quoting that from somewhere)
Christine: — Plain and simple – because of ungratefulness.
how do you handle stress?
Charen: Now I scream like Cookie Monster does. I used to run aimlessly in the middle of the desert before. Sometimes i do sewing but I guess my style is changing. I do whatever floats my boat even if it means cleaning until midnight or stare at empty spaces.
Christine: — Plug in my earphones! Eat alot! Go somewhere outdoor – preferably the beach or just doing something different!
how do you handle rejection?
Charen:I ate rejection for breakfast! 90% of pursuits was a failure within the last couple of years. I doubted, I cried, I pitied myself but then I tapped my own shoulder and tried again and again. You don’t stop when you’re tired, you stop when you’re done. Nothing comes in between that cannot be remedied by God’s grace.
Christine: — Freezeeee… and do self-talk. If in public? i still do self talk – in my brains
do you really need to get hurt in order to learn?
Charen: You cannot grow without a lot of breaking – just like a seed won’t turn into a tree without dying to it’s own self.
Christine: — For me, Of course! Experience (especially getting hurt to some extent) is the best teacher. Grew up with it and its always good to do hands on and do the application. lol
how do you handle failure?
Charen: see answer about *rejection
Christine: — Self talk! Self assess and re-assess and re-assess and think on ways on how to improve.
are you happy?
Charen: Quantifiably yes. but the fact that I have to use that as an adjective makes it questionable.
Christine: — Yes I am!! 🙂
what’s the difference between being angry and being disappointed
Charen: When I’m angry I cry but when I’m disappointed- it’s written all over my face. It’s the same difference between a cupcake and a muffin.
Christine: — Hmm.. angry is a feeling that leads to an action while disappointed is just a feeling without an action…yet. I hope it makes sense.
where would go first in a zombie apocalypse?
Charen: I hate zombies.I don’t even care preparing or thinking what I’m going to do if that happens. So i’d probably be the first one to die should it take place.
Christine: OMG!!!! i’d rather evaporate before this time happens. Geeeeeezzzzz.
when you answer a question, do you answer right away without thinking or do you think first before you answer
Charen: The latter. I carefully strategize my words before I answer. At times I digress not having to expound all the things I want to say and I beat myself up afterwards.
Christine: — Bluuuuhhhhhh… depends on the question, i think. (see?? here, I’m thinking!!)
what is your biggest regret in life?
Charen: Not letting too many people into my life. It’s actually more of a wonderment. But I don’t want to force the issue. it is what it is.
Christine: — It’s so biggggg that I can’t even write it down here. Haha. But yeah, seriously can’t I just share it over coffee or dinner?
cake or death?
Charen: You mean death by cake or caked to death? Mmm, I’d go by death because like what I said I’m not much of a sweet tooth.
Christine: — cake!!! because death will eventually be our final destination (with no exemption) therefore, i’d rather choose cake because there’s no more cake in death and definitely no more baking cakes!
why does the generation of today mainly focus on looks?
Charen: it’s not just the generation of today. I think people by nature are beauty-oriented with the tendency to be narcissistic it’s just that means (like smartphones) are possessed by everyone so the exposure is easier nowadays. the only difference from old age is that it takes months to paint their portraits as oppose to the seconds it takes for us to upload our selfie today.
Christine:— To be fair… It’s not just the generation of today but even before people always focus on looks! It’s just that it is more profound now because of the evolving technology and social media.
Our points contradict in so many ways. You might find the answers shallow but on a psychological point of view these can determine behavioural patterns. You see our differences was a bridge instead of a wall. I’ve drawn the conclusion that with our contrasting personalities we can still make an impact, a difference. There’s always enough room for dynamics and improvement and seeing the other side of the fence without having to be “in it”. We frequently collaborate as evident in our long-term friendship. She’s the hand and I’m the feet, she’s the mouth I’m the ears. There’s no cheesy lines of being friends forever but as long as the friendship isn’t fueled by jealousy or insecurities there’s no doubt of it thriving. To more adventure maps and future-planning! We are taking our influences on a global scale. Who knows someday you will find yourself reading the book we’ll publish together 🙂