What happened to riding the sunset to tomorrow?
So, just when writing became my profession, I now have a minimum slot to blog. How ironic is that? lazy even!
And so what happened next? I’m happy. I’m on track, in the center of God’s will, living my purpose, so what’s next? Did you think I rode off to the end of a rainbow and found the hidden pot of gold? The answer would be no.Coming back to the Philippines is old news. My colleagues used to argue what will happen to me if I return to the third-world country we’re all dying to get away from. They raised very viable points why I should stick to the flow of mediocrity that has taken place. But that is a story from a now far-away memory. But for the sake of answering that question of what am I to do?: Well, I simply did the things I really wanted to do all my life. Unpacking my creative life here and now is somehow the new leaf that sprung. Those viable points where still pressing on but at least I’m not living in denial anymore. The sheltered fantasy-life has to end at some point. I’m glad it did.
After 1 year and 5 months, the fact that I’m living all by myself has finally sinked in. I mean the “living alone” “independently” “by yourself” kind of thing hits so hard. During college, even if I was left to tend to myself because my brother was busy with you know his own, at least I can count on him coming home definitely. (at some point). My journey has been lonely but at least I wasn’t alone literally. In abroad, I lived with my friends and we look after each other somehow too. I’m reassured not coming home to an empty shack. Don’t get me wrong, I love my space. Alone? No big deal. I even wrote about the perks of single anonymity (seriously, read the link) . But it’s different now and it beats me why there’s a tiny part of me wishing it will change.
Well, on top of my head there’s this fear of murder. That some bad people is going to find out I’m holed at some vulnerable place all helpless and then they would come and harvest my organs. That or getting hit by a bus. So many fears so little time. Maybe I should stop watching current news and seriously rethink about unfollowing some questionable instagram accounts. I figure since I’m feeling out of nourishment lately
and inspite of what you think of my sanity,
Encouragement is in order
so I thought of compiling some writeups from quora and some pinterest highlight.This is for the lone rangers like me. Hang in there courageous heart!
One day I read this:
Well, when you can run through the house naked, or go to the bathroom without shutting the door, or get up in the middle of the night to watch movies and not worrying about how much noise you are making, or mope and be sad and not have to explain to anyone why you’re in a bad mood, or spending an hour in the bathtub blowing bubbles and seeing how long you can hold your breath, or turn off the tv and just enjoy the silence, or just lie on the couch and daydream.