I can’t go on living and not knowing why.

“I am no more than a twig in a sea of noodles.”

You can be anywhere in the world and have the most dashing riches but if you are not forging your own path and living your personal legend then all of it will be deem useless. What good is a life if you’re not present in it? and by present  I mean living every moment with full awareness of first, why you’re here. You can die tomorrow knowing you made a mark but if all your life your bent for the sole purpose of going with the crowd then Hitler has made his point. Second, wanting to be here. Nobody can drag you elsewhere. Nothing can change your mind except you. Yes, I’m stressing the awareness that happiness is never the destination. The sooner you understand this, the happier you will be.
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Between my vicarious jump and leap of faith, currently I’m caught in the middle of what I have been dreaming my whole life. It took all my sanity and savings nonetheless to get to this point and when I stop and try to soak it all in, I get overwhelmed by the grip my life has a hold of me. Sure, I have never been more broke, more drenched and mud-covered but even considering all the uneven, subjective madness, I still would not have it any other way. My theme would be found in the words of Herman Hesse that goes…
“My story isn’t pleasant. It isn’t sweet and harmonious like the invented stories. it tastes of folly and bewilderment, of madness and dream. Like the life of all people who no longer want to lie to themselves.”
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Awareness: Happiness is never the destination. the sooner you understand this, the happier you will be.

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This passion-trekking, likely-a-battlefield struggle of a life I live each day is the fruit of my manic tears. Together with the pining of the moon at night and the mist-scorching heat by day I endured for so long. Goes to show that a life of comfort and luxury was never the main criteria for me. Today? if you ask me what keeps me going each day? well, everything I’m doing is getting me to that place of identity and ownership. As if all my life experience has
prepped me for this moment. This is my queue that I’m living the life I was born to live. I am who I’m suppose to be with the hunger to embrace it raw. It’s even messier plus downright cynical and that’s okay. {Ships are safe in the harbor but that’s not what ships are built for.} And so I urge you deeply, without any delay – fight for the life you
want to live. Be brave with it! Insist it within you that you won’t settle for anything less. Refuse to sink in the heap of your soul’s complacency unless your quenched. Until the dent of your existence makes people question their own.
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