HongKong: not for the lack of trying
A comeback for me in the world of blogging and nonstop chattering about the stuffs I consider essential either to talk about or to rally with. i haven’t been writing for a very long time and i promised myself that I would get back to it as a therapeutic way to relinquish my thoughts and devotions. whatever it may be, i dont perhaps assume that people would succumb to read my blogs but oh well, this is for my self-understanding anyway and just merely for expression. Ultimately, I had been inspired by the blogs of people that I follow and they had helped me a lot to realize my potentials as well. As I quote my favorite author : you write to better understand yourself. and that is exactly my goal here.
I love the part where there was random walking and chinese people are very reluctant to help nor talk to us. Disney brought the child in me again. Making me realize that dreams really do come true
Scanning old pictures, browsing vacation pictures, rereading qoutes and journal notes.. It was a harsh and stunning realization that i have lost the will to live. i have been through a long and epic phase where rotting inside for a love lost coloured my life dread. Everything inside of me died. Depression was a reality. I am not going to be drastically recalling all retaliations i did. but somehow God loves me enough for Him to make me realize that my soul needs redemption. And indeed, His provisions and instruments rescued my decay. It wasnt easy to find the light. I had to fight for it, insist upon it, climb up for it, Resist all attempts to live in mediocrity. In fact, being in the darkness for a very long time, I do not have a full recollection of what my life was for the last couple of years. Its all a pile of haze and blurred-out memories. I had to consistently argue with myself because i was SETTLING. Im aware that at some point in a man’s life, one grows weary and tired and give up. But in that tiredness, in the mundane, with that boredom, I was taught that those are the times that count. I keep contemplating and complaining that my soul has been kept safe and secured. Yes – in a coffin. Between me and my subconcious, i stopped living for a moment. But aren’t most people feel that way in their confinement. 99% of people on this generation are struggling, trying endlessly and depressed. However, I wanted badly to be a part of the 1%! I refuse to drown. As i qoute: And i hope you see the things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. i hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. – Benjamin Button This is my advocacy. The greatest factor missing in my life right now is the SPARK. that kind of spark that shoots migraines into my brain cells. the spark that slaps so hard you want to scream at the top of your lungs and make a mark. God knows I want to feel. I want to feel the nerve and the audacity. the boldness to come out smiling whether its sunny or raining. I pray with all my might for God to hand me this kind of Ignition in my soul. To live once more with the anticipation of the unknown and looking forward to it. My great defeat would be to perish and tarnish old mistakes, past history and unforgivable regrets . To let failure define the end of my life and not to live at all. True, Everyone is alive but not everyone is living. I want to be the madness that blossoms because i am unafraid to try out things. Things that scares me. Things that takes me out of my couch. They say, life begins at the end of your comfort zone. I want that madness to define my muchness! To be different but not indifferent! To rejoice and be joyful because I have been given enough to create something! something that only my existence can fulfill. And pain is the main component. Radiating with enthusiasm so much so that thesong ” I am beautiful in every single way, no words can bring me down.” would be a reality not just some lyrics.